Reclaiming the light inside.
Eating disorders work off of shame and secrets.
Shame's big demand of us is to hide. As may already be the case if you've clicked this far, sometimes you hide your eating habits from others, or how you truly feel about your body or food. If you're not sure if those things are a big deal or not, read a little below.
Maybe you've noticed that due to being super focused on calories or other aspects of what you eat you find it tough to keep weight on, in comparison to other folks your age and size. Maybe your period has stopped in recent months if you're a woman, or if you're a guy you've lost a dramatic amount of weight (muscle mass in particular). You're fixated on how "fat" you are despite friends and family insisting you're far, far from it, and/or you feel a overwhelming drive to keep to a rigorous exercise routine at all costs (say, despite it keeping you deeply exhausted all the time, causing arguments with your friends or partner, causing you to be late to work, or staying committed to your exact routine even when hurt or ill). Maybe you find yourself pinching or pulling certain specific areas of your body, or fixating on them for a long time in the mirror. Finally, maybe you're noticing your clothes are getting looser and looser, so much so that you may need to go shopping for a major closet overhaul. Those are some typical warning signs around anorexia. (This site and this site have more info on this.)
Binge Eating Disorder
- Maybe you've noticed that at least weekly you just throw up your hands and say "screw it all!" and eat way, way, way more than usual (by your measure or anyone else's you know). While doing that, you sorta lose awareness of what's going on around you, you eat all of this food very fast, you want to hide from others while you're eating or after and you're so stuffed you feel disgusted with yourself once done. Sometimes out of control eating episodes like this are having a significant impact on your finances, since it costs a lot to buy that much or to keep that much in the pantry. If any of this sounds familiar you may have some issues around binge eating. Here are two websites around this.
- Maybe you find yourself doing the binge thing above-eating a large amount of food in one sitting, perhaps as your only intake of food all day-then finding ways to force the food out of your body (typically referred to as "purging"; the most common one being forced vomiting). As part of this cycle you have the compulsion to offset the calories in extreme ways (perhaps a very rigorous workout or a massive water intake, for example). This is one of the more common sets of symptoms we see, simply because of the highly oversimplified approach our society takes to understanding weight, calories and exercise. Bulimia can have very serious long-term health implications, due (to name just one) the effects that frequent purging has on the body. Here are two sites with info about bulimia.
However you identify with on the above, I want you to know that
None of that is weird to me.
I think you've taken the first step just by reading this stuff or clicking on any of the links above, if you think some of that may describe part of your story.
I'm guessing it's a little scary, but help is available, and we can start together. Let's start inviting the sun to shine onto the places that are crying out for it so badly.